It is the end of the second full week of the new year and despite my resistance to resolutions I have been doing a lot of self reflection, meditating, soul searching and desire mapping as we settle in to 2016. It's pretty neat to be able to give yourself an opportunity to find out what's really deep inside and maybe a little scary too. I'm learning a lot.
There has been a reoccurring theme in my life... An interest in something is sparked and I pursue the hell out of it like there is no tomorrow. Feeling invincible, I immerse myself in every sence of the word and then once I'm satisfied, I'm usually done forever. What? Yep, done. Had all I needed. Onto the the next thing. This has moved me several times, across an ocean and state lines. All for the love of adventure and learning. Or was I just running? Who knows, but it was always fun and I wouldn't change any of my experiences. I only wish I had been more thorough. While pursuing these things I usually feel and seem all in. Like, this is it, I've finally found MY thing. And then they always ended up being MY temporary things.
This used to bug the hell out of me. Do I really have Attention Deficit Disorder? Why can't I be normal (ha!) and pick something permanent? Well, I still don't know the answers to those questions but I'm learning to be easier on myself. I'm so grateful to be in a position where I can explore these whims, hobbies, interests and be settled enough to know that it's alright to move on to whatever is next. I'm sometimes envious of people as fortunate as my sweet husband and brother who knew from what seems like day one what their life works would be. Only sometimes envious because, not everybody is like that and I know I'm certainly not. Isn't there an old saying? Jack of all trades, master of none. I feel like that suites me, at least I'm good at the things I try. So there's that.
A wave of change may be upon me. I would say in the last several years I've stuck with more things than ever before! And I've probably tried more new things too. I'm growing, maturing, something is happening and it's sticking. I could probably credit numerous things for this quarter life growth spurt but number one would probably be the unconditional support from my husband. It's amazing to know that someone (other than my family- because duh, they just have to!) supports and believes in you 100%. Talk about feeling invincible. Despite whatever may be the cause or causes of 'things sticking' I'm really excited.
Recently, while exploring one of my favorite hobbies I stumbled on what could be an amazing new journey. I quickly boohooed it and moved on as it seemed too time consuming, too much of a commitment and too expensive. But for whatever reason it has been relentless in not letting me forget about it. It's even been so bold as to become an option for me within a couple miles of my house, say what?! Oh yea, like I could walk, ride my bike or even skip there! All signs point to this definitely not being a coincidence.
So what's the problem and why is this post called 'The diving board'? In the beginning, and I'm working hard on this, I was overwhelmed with self doubt. It was a combination of excitement and self sabotage and I was frozen somewhere in between. I had found this amazing possibility/opportunity but I couldn't help asking questions like, 'would this just be another one of my temporary things?' I feel like I'm definitely on the diving board and I'm just not sure if I'll dive in or not. Who am I kidding? If I jump, it will probably be a cannonball. I'm at least 85% sure I want to do this but I'm being held back by my past experiences.
Have you ever been in a similar position? Are there opportunities in your life that you talked yourself out of but wish you had explored?