Feelings

This spring has been a wild ride full of highs and lows, adventures, lessons learned and lots of soul searching. I've been on a mission to tap in to me and to find out what I need right now. Do you ever have seasons of your journey that are like that, completely dedicated to self care and exploration?

At the beginning of the year, I started working with a book that's purpose is to help the reader nurture their inner artist, to tune in to their creative nature and inspire them to create more. I learned a lot about myself and opened countless doors to continue exploring what it is that makes me tick. Throughout this process, I removed toxic shit, people, habits, etc., from my life. I opened my eyes to routines and rituals that were no longer serving me. I picked up healthy habits and activities that I had abandoned. I checked out, a lot. I allowed myself to feel my feelings. Woah.

I also experienced a funny side effect: most of the time I didn't feel very creative at all. What?! That's right, not an ounce of creative juice. This side effect came with it's own set of challenges. Here I am doing the work and dedicating all this time and energy to nurture one of my favorite parts of who I am and in turn I'm getting nothing in return. I wasn't getting the result that I wanted. I wasn't getting the result I convinced myself was on the other side of the process. What a massive crock of shit. I was pissed and waves of that are still arriving to my shore. Like the worst kind of shock wave, you think you've handled a situation, and then a little ripple appears out of no where to remind you that you aren't quite finished yet. Ugh. 

Here's what I'm realizing as I look back and observe my growth and shifts and it's pretty simple, I was being creative just not in the obvious ways. I wasn't writing blog posts. Instead, I was taking the time to work towards removing obstacles from my life that hinder my creativity. And guess what? That took time, in fact, it's still taking time. It actually requires consistent lifelong care and attention similar to anything that's important to you. Just like my grandmother's beautiful silver, I polish it and it always tarnishes again but I will always keep polishing. It's a labor of love and so is your creativity. Tend to it, people. Your artistic qualities are worth the effort as an outlet for you and, if you're so inclined, they are also worth sharing with the world, I promise. 

And all of that brings me to this, my biggest take away and point to share. My golden nugget is: allow yourself to feel your feelings. I'll say that again, feel your f*&%ing feelings. The best advice and the simplest guidance I got was to sit with whatever I am feeling and process that shit. We all have feelings and we weren't given them to stuff deep inside and ignore. We were given feelings as tools; to help guide us, to help us work through challenges, to help us survive. Society, learned experiences and behaviors all teach us to stuff anything that's uncomfortable, ugly, painful, and/or anything we just don't want to deal with. Well, that's one way to deal with it but I promise you that until you SIT with those feelings and FEEL them they will continue to reoccur. That ripple will keep coming to your shore, guaranteed.  

Shine your light, play outside, get creative and go FEEL your feelings!

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